It is easy to get caught up in the distractions of trying to make sure I provide everything for my family. I want them to have opportunities that I did not have. I want them to be able to go places, experience things, and explore their hobbies and interests. Some seasons I get so busy I am rarely at home. I am thankful for a wife who homeschooled our kids and would give me gentle reminders that it is my relationship with my family that is more important than any of the activities and opportunities.
I see a lot of young families that drop their kids off at daycare very early in the morning, starting from when they are only a few months old. They then pick them up after work and rush off to their after-school programs. Dance, swim, soccer, and baseball were a few of my family’s activities. We drop them off and come back to pick them up (and sometimes forget to pick them up, but that’s another story) and get home just in time for them to go to bed and do it all over again tomorrow. Maybe on the weekend we would have some relationship building time, unless it was a recital or swim meet weekend, or baseball tournament, or 6 birthday parties, or any number of other activities. Even on Sunday mornings, we drop our kids off at the children’s ministry area at church so we can enjoy worship without the headache of our kids. As our kids get older, the activities get longer, and the relationship time gets shorter.
It is a constant struggle and there never seems to be enough time. What I do know is that every minute I could invest in building relationships with my kids and my wife are the best memories that I have. I enjoyed watching my kids grow in their chosen activity, but the one-on-one times and the family times are where most of the memories of my kids come from. Being a dad is not about providing my family with everything they want; it is about building relationships with my family.
It is a relationship that Jesus is longing to have with us, not checking off all the right boxes. Typically, making sure I check all the right boxes is about building my kingdom and making me feel good about what I’ve done. “Lord, look at all the great things I have done, all the people I have helped, all the hours I spent reading the Bible, and all the time I volunteered at the church.” But God does not want our checklists. God wants our attention and a relationship with us.
Do I need to go to church? No. But I want to go to church. I want to be around my church family. I need that relationship with others who, though like me, they are not perfect, are longing for a deeper relationship with Jesus. A group of people who want to know and be known by God. So, maybe I do need to go to church. Not because that is what makes me a Christian, but because I need that relationship with others.
Everybody has their own thoughts on what church is and should be. I hear a lot of people complaining about all the things that church has become and should not be. They have some valid points, but again are we asking the wrong questions? I have been guilty of this as well. The question we need to be asking about a church is how healthy are the relationships with each other and with God? It does not matter if the church has an entertainment driven focus or not. It does not matter if the church has a big fancy building or not. What matters is the relationships. Whose kingdom are they trying to build? Are they drawing people into a relationship with God, or just trying to fill the seats? I have visited many churches over the years. It is sad that of all the churches I have visited, I can only remember a very few, probably only 4 or 5 if I think hard enough, that I felt welcomed as a guest. Many times, I stood in the lobby for quite a while and did not have a single person attempt a conversation with me. I got the typical, “Hi! We’re so glad you are here,” as they walk by in a rush to drop their kid off at the children’s ministry area. But beyond that, there was no interaction. There was no attempt at relationship. I even visited a couple of churches that made it obvious that my children were not welcome in the Sunday service. One set up a row of chairs in the back just for my family and told us we could not sit in the big empty section in the middle so our kids would not be a distraction. Another would not even let my kids into the auditorium at all. If this is what church has become, I understand why so many Christians chose to not be a part of it. But this is not what church is supposed to be.
I checked all the right boxes, and we had perfectly planned church services and eliminated all of the distractions, especially the noisy kids. We had the best bands with the right look and the right sound. We had the most amazing programs and marketing campaigns. We hosted huge community outreach events. But did we know God?
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’
Matthew 7: 21-23
We all need relationships. Find a church that focuses on relationships. Most importantly, find a church that focuses on a relationship with God. That does not mean it is a boring church with bad music. The entertainment factor has nothing to do with the relationship factor. There are some very godly people with a passion for knowing Christ that also happen to be very talented musicians and artists. And what better place to use and enjoy that talent and share that gift than with your church family?
Just before these verses, Jesus said that you will know a tree by the fruit that it gives. You will know a church by the fruit that it gives. You will know me by the fruit that I give. Am I a follower of Christ, or am I a churchgoer? Am I known by God or am I just making sure my life looks good and I am doing all the right things? Many will live lives doing the right things, going to all the church events, leading and teaching their small groups, and never know Jesus.
Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and you will know God and he will know you.
